Conflicts are parts and parcels of life that are unavoidable. They range from small, minor disputes to major ones. All of these conflicts may affect or damage the relationship. If handled well, conflicts could help both parties deepen mutual understanding as well as gain mutual respect. However, if handled badly, conflicts might lead to hostility and can even put an end to relationships. We see conflicts at all sorts of levels- ranging from family to friends and even at work. Interpersonal conflicts are generally due to different working styles or goals.
The following is an example of a conflict that I went through. I guess this conflict arose due to the fact that we had very different working styles even though our goal was the same – to plan a fantastic orientation.
It happened when I was in the organising committee of the Orientation Camp. Back then, we decided to have a trial run to test the games that we were playing in the actual camp. One of the higher-ranking members from the main committee came down and joined us in our trial run. During the debrief session at the end of the first day, she took over the role of the chairperson of the orientation committee and started to pinpoint things that were not to her liking. For example, she felt that the committee members were not enthusiastic enough and if we were not going to participate actively in the activities then we should not have gone for the trial at all. However, the committee preferred to finish our jobs quietly but this certainly did not mean that we were not efficient in carrying out the tasks that were assigned to us. She even held a meeting with the programmes committee asking them to change the activities planned because the respective house leaders did not like the activities. I could understand her intentions but I think it would be better if she put it across as a suggestion rather than a request that we had to comply to. We were very upset over the negative feedbacks that she gave us because she denied all our efforts in the preparation for the camp.
This higher-ranking member went on to complain that we slept too early for a camp even when there was nothing left for us to do. In the end, we merely sat around and talked until it was 3 in the morning before going to bed. The irony here was that she woke up late the next morning and we had to push back our timeline.
What would you do if you were in our shoes?
P.S. I think that the book In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner is very interesting. The story is about 2 sisters who shared very little in common except for the size of their shoes. Both of them were secretly envious of each other yet none of them voiced it out, which caused them to drift apart. It was not until very long later that they started to work on the issues they had with each other. If they had done that earlier, probably they would not have left so many years of their sisterhood blank. Many problems could be resolved if we are able to empathise with the other party. However, how many of us are able to do that?
Hey Shih han,
ReplyDeleteoh dear, I typed out a comment for you but before I click " post comment" my computer shut down by itself! Hope I can still recall all the things I typed.
I wanted to say that the issue is tough but there are ways to alleviate the problem. You can start following this "guilty" approach.But you might want to gather your team members and discuss with her.For example,you could say:
" Chairperson, I think it is only fair for us to let you know that we have put in alot of effort to run this orientation camp....(mention all the efforts you have put in)...There might be a misunderstanding here because we thought the orientation was a trial run and we did not know what is expected out of us. But if you had kindly tell us to be enthusiastic, we would have run the trial like it was a real one. Also, we are in the team together,achieving the same goal. Our team needs you to lead.And you need our help to run a successful orientation.Hope you could appreciate our efforts and also give us a say in deciding matters since we are in it together."
Like what Brad had said in class,stress the " we". Maybe she might still stick to her same own ways, but hey, at least you and your team mates took the guts out to confront her.I think that matters the most.I have not met anyone in this world who could solve all interpersonal conflicts successfully.Is there?
Thanks, Shihhan, for this detailed post. The problem scenario you describe is rather a unique one in that it isn't between family members or boyfriend and girlfriend. It is, however, relevant since it takes place amongst students, which makes me wonder why more of your bogging group members didn't comment. (Time might be an issue, right?)
ReplyDeleteYou do a good job in your description, though cutting the initial paragraph might have helped you in your aim for conciseness. The context of the disagreement is clear, as is the character of the girl from the main committee. Like Deenise, I'm surprised by that person's lack of a "we" focus and by her low empathy. I'm not sure that anything your group might have done would change the situation though. I like Deenise's insights.
Thanks for sharing!
Hello Deenise. Thanks for the comment! Yep. Not everyone is successful in resolving their conflicts. We left the situtation as it was because we didn't want to make the matter worse and that was one of the last few times we were going to work with her.
ReplyDelete